By: Amanda Schwartz
Joe Burrow’s Home Heist: The TikTok Twist We Didn’t See Coming
Joe Burrow’s Cincinnati mansion was burglarized Monday while he was throwing dimes in Dallas. But don’t worry, this isn’t your average “football player gets robbed” story—it’s spicy.
Apparently, Joe didn’t even call the cops. Instead, the mother of TikTok sensation and Victoria’s Secret model Olivia Ponton dialed 911 on his behalf. Why was Olivia Ponton’s mom the hero? Because Olivia was at Joe’s house. And here’s where it gets juicy:
- Joe’s been officially dating his high school sweetheart, Olivia Holzmacher, since 2014. Are they still together? Who knows.
- Olivia Ponton has famously dated women for years. But now she’s somehow chilling at Joe’s pad and living our dream.
- Instead of calling 911 herself, Olivia phoned her mom – as would I.
To top it off, when cops asked Olivia what she was doing there, she casually said she was “employed” at Joe’s house. If Joe’s nickname is “Joe Cool,” Olivia Ponton’s might need to be “Olivia Chill”—because while this robbery sounds like a nightmare for him, it’s TikTok gold for her. Stay tuned, folks. This story’s got more layers than a Burrow passing chart.
Caitlin Clark and Taylor Swift: A Friendship Written in Sparkles
This week, Iowa basketball phenom Caitlin Clark was named TIME’s Athlete of the Year. But while talking about her skills, the interview somehow turned into a Taylor Swift fan club meeting.
Caitlin spilled that she attended Taylor’s Eras Tour at Lucas Oil Stadium and thought she’d blend into the crowd. Nope! The Swifties were geeking out over her. Caitlin said it was fun but nothing compared to Taylor’s follow-up move:
Taylor sent Caitlin FOUR goodie bags of tour merch, signed a note with “Love, Trav and me” (casual confirmation of the year), and even promised to show up at an Indiana Fever game next year. Forget MVP awards—Taylor Swift merch might be Caitlin’s ultimate flex.
O.J. Simpson’s X-Rated Yard Sale: Because Why Not
In one of the weirdest estate sales of all time, O.J. Simpson’s lawyer announced plans to auction off Simpson’s personal possessions to help chip away at his eye-popping $100 million debt. And by “personal possessions,” we’re talking about…prison porn.
Yes, you read that right. Malcolm LaVergne, O.J.’s longtime attorney, revealed that Simpson had an impressive stash of adult magazines during his time in Nevada State Prison. Apparently, Penthouse was his magnum opus. Speaking of Magnums, Malcolm hinted that O.J.’s Trojan Magnums—the unopened ones, thankfully—might also hit the auction block.
The whole thing is set for early 2025, so if you’ve ever dreamed of owning a criminally X-rated collector’s item, mark your calendar. But, fair warning: You might need gloves…and therapy.