Story 1: The Olympic Village’s Most ‘Individualistic’ Swimmer—Luana Alonso!

Move over, Olympic records—Luana Alonso is setting new standards in “unique behavior” that’s turning heads in Paris. This 20-year-old Paraguayan swimmer didn’t just dive into the pool; she made a splash all over the Olympic village with her “individualistic” flair, leaving other athletes feeling as uncomfortable as a speedo that’s one size too small.

Word on the street (and in every gossip column) is that Luana was politely asked to leave the Olympic village for her “individualistic” behavior that made fellow athletes feeling “uncomfortable”. But what exactly did she do? Let’s just say, Luana was (allegedly) living her best life in Paris like a tourist on a five-star vacation.

First, she was spotted hanging out with sports royalty, snapping selfies with Rafael Nadal. Then, she checked into a luxury French hotel, indulged in some high-end shopping, and paraded around in outfits that would make a lifeguard blush. The pièce de résistance? A late-night trip to Disneyland, where she stayed so late that even Mickey Mouse had already clocked out by the time she returned close to 5 AM.

When rumors started swirling that she got booted from the village for her antics, Luana took to Instagram to set the record straight, saying she wasn’t expelled and that people should stop spreading false info. She didn’t want to make a statement, but she wasn’t going to let the lies get to her either. Because why let a little thing like public opinion ruin your Disney hangover?

After heading back to the U.S. where she’s a student at SMU, Luana dropped another bombshell: She’d rather represent the USA anyway. “It’s not a pleasure to represent Paraguay,” she said, adding that she’d prefer to be back at college. Cue the eye rolls from the Paraguayan Olympic Committee, with President Camilo Perez basically telling her, “Good luck with that,” noting she’d need to seriously step up her game to represent Team USA.

Now back on SMU’s campus, Luana might not be winning any swimming medals, but she’s definitely taking home gold in the “living her best life” category. Whether she’s making headlines for her Olympic dreams or her dream vacations, one thing’s for sure—Luana Alonso isn’t letting anyone dictate her story.

Story 2: Czech Tennis Duo Wins Gold—and Possibly Each Other’s Hearts

In what might be the most awkwardly romantic Olympic victory of all time, Czech Republic tennis stars Katerina Siniakova and Tomas Machac nabbed the gold medal in mixed doubles, but it’s their off-court story that has everyone swooning. The pair, who were dating for four years before calling it quits in July, decided that their breakup wasn’t going to stop them from smashing the competition at the Olympics.

Cue the Hallmark movie music, because after their gold medal win, they were spotted sharing a kiss on the court, sending the internet into a frenzy. Fans are already drafting wedding invitations, but the couple’s response to the rumors? Katerina shrugged off the relationship questions with a cool, “That’s our personal life,” while Tomas quipped, “This is top secret. In red words: Top Secret.”

Whether or not they’re back together, one thing’s for sure: They’ve got the best “we won a gold medal and maybe got back together” story in sports history. Tennis fans are eagerly waiting for the sequel—either on the court or at the altar.

Story 3: Georgia Tech’s Block Party Performer Hits a High Note—With Emily Ratajkowski!

Georgia Tech fans, buckle up! Your upcoming Helluva Block Party just got a whole lot more interesting. Shaboozey, the up-and-coming country star set to perform at the event on August 31st, is making headlines for more than just his music. He’s been spotted cozying up to none other than Hollywood’s reigning bachelorette, Emily Ratajkowski!

The romance rumors kicked off after the two were seen packing on the PDA at a New York City hotspot earlier this week. They walked into Musica nightclub hand-in-hand for Afrobeats artist Rema’s album release party, and it seems like they didn’t leave each other’s side all night. The pair also made an appearance at Hudson Yards last night, where Shaboozey performed, and the chemistry between them was reportedly sizzling backstage.

The duo was first seen together at Michael Rubin’s star-studded Fourth of July bash in the Hamptons last month, so who knows—maybe sparks were flying amidst the fireworks. With Shaboozey set to light up the stage at Georgia Tech, fans (me) are wondering if Emily might just show up to cheer him on.

Stay tuned, because whether it’s Olympic drama, rekindled tennis love, or a country star’s Hollywood fling, this week’s sports gossip is serving up all the spicy details you didn’t know you needed.